My kids have been home from school for a month already and today (yesterday now...) I sent them off for two weeks of day camp. I couldn't wait for school to end. I do like them and enjoy having them around. But most of the other kids around here go to camp and after a couple of weeks with just me for entertainment, we were all looking for a little space and excited for the change up.
So, this morning, off they went! I hated packing lunches again but was SO looking forward to the quiet and the "free" time to do chores. Yes, I was looking forward to my chores. Ok, not really but I was wanting to have a clean house and accomplish some things that have been bothering me. Here is the list of all I want to accomplish: Clean the attic, garage, basement, closets, car, hang pictures, organize photos and so much more. Like exercising, grocery shopping and prepping out diner. Oh and I am going to cure cancer too. And that's just today! (Well, as soon as I get off the computer!)
When the bus came, I walked them out to the curb and put them on. As the driver checked his route and kid list, I stood waiting to wave goodbye while fighting my mom schizophrenia... I had been excited about the alone time but then I put them on a bus with a stranger and sent them out into this world. Suddenly, I didn't want them to go. I knew I was being crazy as I watched the bus until it was out of sight; watching for signs of a crazy driver or faulty wheels.
Being a mom means wild swings, not of moods but, of emotions. You have these people who drive you crazy and who you love soooo much. Sometimes you just want them to go away (for a little while). Then you want them to come back. Or you're scared when they are trying something new then so proud when they accomplish it. It's exhausting! Being a mom means squashing down terror all the time. Their life is yours. You are so afraid of something happening to them. (It's amazing that we don't all walk around with fists in our mouths to keep ourselves from screaming.) Afraid of illnesses, other scary things, made up scary things... I feel like they are only safe when they are with me. (Don't even suggest that that's not even true or I will come to your house and scream at you for 8 hours straight!)
So, in an hour and a half, I put them on the bus. I worried about the driver heading for the border. (I don't know what border! There must be one somewhere.) I started moving furniture to steam clean my carpet. (Steaming my carpet is on the list too!) When there were no panicked calls from my daughter about a crazy police chase, I decided to go on line to read the directions from said steam cleaner. Now, enough time has passed that they must be safely at camp. I can go eat breakfast. Then I'd better cure some disease before I start to worry about the ride home. Or about the horseback riding my youngest is supposed to do today. (Those things are huge! And have teeth!) There are so many things that haven't even occurred to me to worry about yet! I'm tuckered out from maintaining this craziness! I'd like to take a nap but now that I half started all these projects the house is messier than when they left... Argg.....
P.S. My carpet looks fab, my house is half dusted and my children arrived home safely. Huzzah! (I didn't cure cancer yet, sorry. I didn't have the right supplies. Unless you know a recipe that calls for canned tomatoes and beans... I'll try again after I get the oil changed...) So today should have been a good morning. Umm, yeah. Should have been. Number 3 woke up sobbing she didn't want to go. She had a funny feeling in her stomach yesterday around the horses and didn't want to feel it today. So I had to force her sobbing to get dressed, force her to eat something and force her onto the bus. So now it looks like anxiety AND guilt are my companions for the day... huzzah...
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