What's That in The Toilet? (Why, it's tenacious candy!)

#2:  Mom- what is that thing in the toilet?!
Me: It's a long story.  I forgot to clean it up.  I'll do it now.
#2:  But what is it?
Me: Um, it's a peanut butter cup that glued itself to the side.
#2: [Grossed out and perplexed] But how did it get there??
(This is where I would like to blame one of the children but I can't.)
Me: Um, I spit it in there then someone called me and I forgot to flush it and it fused to the toilet...
#2: WHAT?


     I told him it was a long story.  Actually it starts waaayyy back in October.  October 31st to be precise.  My oldest came home with a huge bag of Halloween candy and after giving away the things she didn't like she hid the rest in her bedroom.  I would like to call her a hoarder but it is an adaptive  behavior.  Her parents and brother LOVE chocolate and cannot be trusted not to touch hers.  And while I resent her hiding her bag, I can't blame her.  I remember my parents not letting me bring my candy to my room after Halloween; and I remember lying in bed reading in the nights after.  Hearing a suspicious crinkle and screaming out "What is that?" and the innocent, "Nothing." that my parents lied back.  My husband and I are genetically programmed to raid their stashes.  It proves that they are smart and adaptable if they hide it, right?
     So, anyhow, my daughter somehow escaped our "Let's eat it all now!" DNA.  She has a trait that's inexplicable to us.  Moderation.  She eats a few candies every now and then and makes it last as long as possible.  Crazy, I know.  The rest of us do not have Moderation.  We have, let's call it, Determination.  We are determined to eat it all ASAP.  (Until we are ready to hurl and full of self loathing.)  So when all of everyone's candy has long disappeared, she eats a few a night while we salivate jealously nearby.  And we know there's that stash of candy mocking us through the walls.  We know it's there but we can't touch it...we are unwilling victims of her discipline.
     Sometimes, though, her moderation rains joy on us at unexpected times.  Like Friday when we were all excited and ready to watch the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics.  We love the Olympics and it felt like a party but without all the good food.  Just before it begins, #1 disappears and walks into the room singing, "It's that time of year again!"  We turned lazily and saw the Halloween bag and gave a unanimous cheer!  It was the dispersing of her leftovers! Yes, I understand YOU might not want to eat candy that is "old".  (The only reason #1 was sharing it was because she was worried about it going bad.)  Not the rest of us. They were individually wrapped- how could they be bad?
     So we all pounced on our favorites and most of them were fine.  There were a few that seemed dicey and were tossed.  As I got up to lock up the doors for the night, I snagged a little peanut butter cup that the vultures had somehow overlooked.  (Possibly realizing the foil wasn't airtight. Something I didn't think about.)  I unwrapped it as I walk to the back door, popped it in my mouth and YUCK!  I quick ducked into the bathroom and spit it into the toilet- it was chalky and gross.  I was rinsing my mouth out when someone called me urgently and I forgot to flush the toilet.  I forgot all about it and we all went to bed.  Never suspecting that the concave top was perfectly shaped to suction itself to the porcelain- even underwater!
     The next morning, I walked into that bathroom and there was the peanut butter cup.  I assumed it was just resting against the side and flushed.  That sucker held on for dear life.  (Like one of George Carlin's Rice Krispies.)  I threw some paper in and flushed again -nothing.  Now, this all happened before my son got to the bathroom.  Before he saw it.   Why didn't I take care of it?  Because  I was hoping it would get tired of mocking me and let go.  Or, I was hoping the water would dissolve it.  But also because I am CRAZY.  I am crazy because I DIDN'T WANT THE CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER TO GET ALL OVER MY TOILET BRUSH!
     Does that make any sense?  The thing scrubs the toilet!  You know what goes in the toilet!  Why is it grosser to have peanut butter and chocolate on the brush?  At the time, it all made perfect sense to me.  Plus, it was a miniature peanut butter cup; it couldn't hold on forever.  I would wait it out.  [Cuckoo] Well, that only lasted until someone else noticed it and made me realize how deranged I was acting.  Then it was time to defend my family and kill the sucker.  I grabbed the brush and got rid of the menace and did some bleaching to kill any bad juju it left in it's wake.
     So the next time someone gives you a peanut butter cup, you will notice the delicate scalloped edge and the slightly concave top and you will know it has superhuman powers.  (Maybe you could use them to climb up a building like Spidey.)  And thanks to me, you will know that the only safe place to dispose of them is in the garbage.  Because I flaunted my insanity, your toilet brush can be spared.  You're welcome!