New Bathing Suit Woes

            In MomSuit, I told you about my desire to ditch the skirted suit.  I finally found an “acceptable” suit just before my family was leaving on a beach vacation.  We were going with extended family for a week.  The kids would have cousins to play with, I would have grownups to chat with and I would be able to try out my new bathing suit.  How’s that for excitement? A bathing suit?  (I need a job…)

            After a long drive, we checked into our rental and decided to wait until the next morning for our first swim.  Everyone was excited to see family and, as a bonus, a sea turtle nest was hatching that night!  Under a full moon, we got to be part of a crowd that watched the little babies scuttle toward the water!  It was amazing!  Volunteer naturalists created a trench to the sea and we were able to crouch along the sides and help steer any errant babies back in the right direction.  What a start to a vacation!

            The next morning, we were all still on a turtle high as we suited up.  My husband and I sun blocked our kids with lotion and spray and zinc sticks.  It was exhausting!  Finally we headed down to the water.  It was a great day.  The kids romped in the surf with their cousins, I chatted along with family and I survived the bathing suit unveiling.  I wore my new separate shorts to the beach, took them off and didn’t die of embarrassment.  (Though I quickly settled myself into a chair and tried not to look fleshy.)

            There is a problem with making the transition from skirted to not-skirted.  There are bits of me that haven’t seen the sun in years.  I had ghostly upper thighs and was tanned (tanned for me is the shade of a manila folder) from above the knee down.  It was not the best look.  I decided that this was a perfect time to fix my pigment problem.  I know…you already know how this is going to end but I am going to tell you anyway…

            I decided I would sit with no sunblock for a little while.  Then apply some to my darker bits.  Then block all of me.  Sure. That would work if I weren’t easily so distracted, if I ever followed all the way through with my plans…  Everyone started talking and catching up and I forgot to sunblock as soon as I intended.  And when I eventually did, I went boogie boarding and scraped/ washed all the block off!  And the parts that managed to get/stay sun blocked were sprayed.  (I’m not very good with the sprayer.  I usually wind up striped.) 

            So, I burned.  But I think burned is too mild a word for what I did.  I charred?  I seared? I scorched? It was bad.  I have Irish/Scottish skin so you know this wasn’t the first time I burned.  (Despite my best efforts and 100 SPF I can always manage to at least pinken.)  This wasn’t even the worst burn I ever had- there were no blisters.  But it was the most miserable burn I ever had.  People, I burned my upper thighs and my armpits.  (“Armpits?!” you cry.  Yes, I had my arms over my head for a while thinking about how the upper parts of my arms are always darker…)

            Somehow I managed to burn all sides of my thighs.  Front, side and back.  Now, when you burn your back, you can sleep on your stomach but there is no escaping your thighs.  You sit on them, you sleep on them, shorts touch them and you have to move them constantly.  Every motion killed.  I cursed changing my clothes, moaned every time I changed position and groaned at the thought of going back to the beach.  It was the first day!  Way to suck the fun out of vacation…

            So with my new bathing suit, I spent the rest of the vacation dressed like a vampire at the beach- covered from head to toe and sitting in the shade.  The touch of sunlight on my burned bits killed.  The sun would only touch me now as I scuttled quickly from the shade to the surf.   I found that the sweet, cool ocean water was so soothing.  I spent a lot of time in the water that week finding relief.  (But, alas, not boarding.  If you catch a good wave, it drags you on the sand at the end.  Tried it once and my thigh skin almost fell off…) 

            I don’t know why I always burn on vacation.  You’d think after all these years I’d know what I was doing.  But, no, I always get distracted or… or stupid?  It’s like the sun goes right to my brain.  Then to my armpits and thighs…  Sigh.  Though my husband thinks I am exaggerating, I am convinced that I damaged my nerves.  (Humor me.)  So, if you see me around town scratching my thighs or armpits, don’t judge me.  Remember its just my nerve endings regenerating…

P.S.  Here's a mental picture for you that I forgot to include:  Me shopping at Walmart trying to discreetly press my frozen foods into my scorched armpits.   (Not sure why I was being discreet.  It was far from the weirdest thing going on in Walmart that day!!)