Summer time
is “Mommy Camp” time and today (now, when you’re reading this, it’s in the
past) we went on a field trip to the Bronx Zoo.
I love going to the zoo with them and I always look forward to our
trips. Like one of the kids, I am all
excited as we approach the gate. But after about a half an hour, I’m not
as excited. I think that between three
kids, many years and multiple visits, I must’ve
been to the Bronx Zoo about a quadrillion times. Which doesn’t mean that I don’t like to go-
it just means that once I’m there I am constantly in a deja vu state where half-memories are ghosting the reality.
Something
both funny and disturbing about me is how easily I forget things. Like your 85-year-old grandpa, I repeat
stupid jokes that you have heard before.
Except I think I am being clever in the moment and that they are new stupid jokes! I think I am being original but I am
stealing my own material. Luckily for me, since I have Swiss cheese for brains, I am amazed by the
same things year after year and re-laugh at my own same jokes. But I guess it’s monotonous to some around me…
Children
have excellent memories. They will
remember the ice cream you promised to get them but never followed through on
for the next 20 years. (And make you pay
for it!) I think they have excellent
memories because their brains are much emptier.
When they have lived through all these years and all these experiences,
they will still remember that ice cream they were denied but won’t remember
what they were saying two seconds earlier. Their brains are like nice clean
desks and mine is like a hoarders house.
My children
are getting bigger and my oldest is at the wonderful age and stage of pointing
out how wrong I am and how little I know all the time. (And
how old I am. Which I hate! And if I’m so old, shouldn’t I know more than her?) So today, with an eye roll and an exasperated
statement, she made me realize how porous my brain has become. Or always was, I can’t tell. (And even if I figured it out, I forgot!) Shortly after we arrived, we got on the Wild
Asia monorail and I saw the safety stickers.
They were the universal red circle with the line through them and the
usual ones- no eating, no smoking and no standing. However, the little stick figure for the no
standing had his arms extended up like he was dancing to Y.M.C.A. As I am sitting down I say sternly, “Oh,
kids, look. No jumping jacks.” The eye roller rolls… all right you know what she
did…and she accompanies it with a disgusted, “You said the same thing last
year.” I did? You sure? Huh. I don’t remember that. But, hey, it was funny right? No? Apparently she thought it was lame then. Now it’s lame times 365.
Thankfully,
I have younger ones who will laugh kindly at my bad jokes but soon enough they will
be eye rollers as well. I am not looking
forward to that. By that time, I’ll be
saying the joke for the 6th, 7th, 8th
time! I can’t imagine they will be any
kinder than the oldest. Maybe I should record my corny
jokes so I don’t have to exert myself repeating them every year. Or, I could just write them down as soon as someone (you-know-who) points out my gaff. Then, try to rewrite them differently for use the following
year? It’s not my fault I repeat
myself! I’ve lived through the Bronx Zoo
experience a quadrillion times! It’s
like my own personal Groundhog's Day.
Maybe I should just put all my usual statements on index cards to hand
out at the appropriate time. Like, “Sure
I’ll take a picture of you with the giant fox ears.” (I could fill a scrapbook
with those.) And, “Look at all that poop?
Who gets to clean that up?” And, "Yes, it is sooo cute." And, "I don't know why their butts are big and funny colors." (That's in the baboon section, not the restroom.) And, their least favorite, “If you wanted souvenirs you
should’ve brought your money with you.”
* * * *
A NEW conversation that I thought was
interesting took place at the Bug carousel.
Me: Wow, listen to
this. The preying mantis kills her mate
and then eats his head!
Them: EEEEWWW…
Me: What if I
killed daddy and ate his head during Wipeout?
Oldest: Why
during Wipeout?! That’s very specific…
Really, that’s the part of the statement that seemed wrong
to her?!
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