Does anyone remember the TV show "That's Incredible?" It was a TV show in the early 80's that inspired and terrified. (If you click on the pink link above, it shows a clip that I remember. And, boy, the video is a time capsule. The family is sitting on their clear-plastic covered couch- it looks sooo comfy!)
"That's Incredible" featured Fran Tarkenton, John Davidson and Cathy Lee Crosby- people I haven't seen since this show. I remember the cheesy, cheese-colored set and the big lapels. The hosts introduced stories of people doing 'incredible' stunts, surviving 'incredible' events, having 'incredible' talents and the 'incredible' paranormal. It was... INCREDIBLE!
I remember sitting in my parents living room, waiting to be wowed with the promised "incredible" tales. What would they show us tonight?? There was no DVR so we had to be PJed and ready! No yelling from the kitchen, "Can you freeze it while I get a snack?" It was (in my mind) a great show but there were two episodes that terrified me and made me sleep with my lamp on for years!
One feature that I remember was "Rent-A-Ghost". I loved the idea and remember trying to commit the information of the agency to my memory. My beloved Grandpa had recently passed away and I was thrilled with the idea of him coming around. I went to bed that night thinking of how I would write to the people on the show and find out how to get my grandpa to hang around me. I wondered how much it would cost and thought about ways to earn a bit of money. I fell asleep happily. At some point in the night, I awoke. The memory of the rent-a-ghost came flooding back. It was dark and quiet and everyone was asleep. What if Grandpa decided to come back right now?! AAACCCCKKKK! "I love you Grandpa but don't come now! Don't come now!" Light on! Under the covers! Sleepless night! I tried to remember that he wouldn't come just to haunt me because he was nice but I was still worried about him popping out of nowhere. Thanks, ABC...
"Rent-A-Ghost", I had mixed feelings about. But there was an episode that struck terror in my heart. No, not the "Amityville Horror"episode. That was scary but it wasn't my house or town. (Thankfully my walls were groovy wood panelling, not dripping blood.) If you grew up watching the show, I bet you know exactly which one I am talking about. Let's shout it out at the same time. 1, 2, 3... "Spontaneous Human Combustion". The way I remember it, they talked about a man who just burst into flames. The only things in the house that were burned were him and his armchair. The fire just left some scorch marks on the ceiling above and the floor below. I think they also told the story of a woman. There was a whiff of ozone and she just burned up and wrecked the rug!
OH. MY. GOD. There is an abundance of possible events to strike terror in the heart of a child. Earthquakes, tornados, bad guys, an "F" on your permanent record. I had NO idea I could just combust. Every Fall, in school, we learned to "Stop, Drop and Roll". Would that even work? I didn't think so. Combust? It sounded like I would just explode in a ball of flame. Why weren't the visiting firemen teaching us about that?! Shouldn't I have a fire extinguisher next to the bed? And an asbestos blanket? Why did no one talk about this? I think it was being kept from us kids- since nothing could be done. How many are we actually talking about here? More bedtime terror compliments of the American Broadcasting Company. Turn on the overhead light AND the little lamp! Clamp the blanket over my head. No! I might get hot...and COMBUST!!! Wait!! PJs are flame retardant! And the people in the show who combusted were grownups! Thank goodness- it must only happen to grownups. Calm down...Whew... AACCKKK! Mom and Dad!!!
I think it was years before I stopped thinking about combustion at bedtime. Luckily, my family escaped the phenomenon. (I wonder which state has the highest combustion rates and the average combustion age. Maybe it's more dangerous to live in the South?) And, I don't remember any friends talking about their grownups randomly exploding.
Hmmm, you're a grownup now. You don't worry about these things; do you? But, I'll bet you are going to start Googling spontaneous human combustion as soon as you close this page. Hey, while you're online, you'd better order some new flame retardant footed PJs..... Sleeping with the light on tonight?
P.S. Did you know Tiger Woods was on That's Incredible! When he was 5 years old?
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