For about 20 years, I was pretend dating John Cusack. Not seriously- there wasn't time. I was busy getting married and having kids and he grew out of his teen movie career. Once, years went by without me seeing him and POOF! He was all grown up. And talking about all grownupy things. Nope- doesn't work for me. Everyone around me talks all grownup. I wanted Lane Meyer holding a boombox. (Yes, I realize these were too different movies, I'm old and thing run together.) Time to find a new man.
For a quite a while after, I dated Dave Matthews. He seemed so mellow and I just loved the way he sang to me. He always made me happy. (My husband even liked having him around AND my kids loved him after he appeared in Because of Winn Dixie!) This went on for years. Until he came to visit. He didn't have time to come to my house so I went to see him at Citifield. He was sooo busy that he acted like I wasn't even there! I could've forgiven him if he had sung all of my favorite songs but he didn't. In fact, in all the time he played, it seemed like he only played three songs. Each song lasted for what seemed like hours. And while I still had feelings for him, I sensed we were too different. He was "llloooonnnngggg jammy songs" and I was "squeeze one song in before the kids change the station." Mars and Venus, baby. It was over.
It's been a while now. I've had a few pretend flings but nothing has stuck- now I'm looking for a new, steady pretend. It seems like I am partial to musicians but am more picky now that I had to dump Dave Matthews.
I know I am a suburban hausfrau but I totally have a crush on Travie McCoy! I know he looks dirt-baggy but I can't help it- there's something about him. He totally digs me but I think I will have to pass; I just can't imagine him tagging along to school functions. And I think we would be staring at his giant earlobes and piercings all the time. He would repeatedly announce, "Hello! My eyes are up here." Oh well. Next!
Jack White is also on my short list and I think my husband would enjoy having him jamming around the house. We love his music but I don't know that he would work in our dynamic. He would probably use up all the black eyeliner AND would make the girls cry when he explained why their music sucks. And when we're all trying to fall asleep and he'd be downstairs with all his "girlfriends" (guitars) making waaayyy too much noise.
Hmm, musicians can be pains and their lifestyles don't really meld with ours. But, I am such a sucker for someone singing to me about how great I am. When k.d. lang sings "I Confess" to me from the car speakers, I feel all giggly and want her to tell me more. I want someone to sing to me all day long but I also want all different types of music. Maybe I need to find a daytime DJ to be my pretend boyfriend or to just make myself a really awesome, REALLY long playlist...
P.S. Who am I kidding? John Cusack is still on the list with all of his great concert tees. He just has to stop acting and talking like a grownup. Shhhh.....
P.P.S. I've got it! I just need a cardboard cutout with my ipod taped to the back! I'll even let J get one of Sofia- wonder where we should keep them and what I should tape to Sofia's back...
P.P.P.S. I've heard of sister wives but are there brother husbands?
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