Once your kids go to school, there is a part of their life that is cut off from yours. Their day and friends are a bit of a mystery because getting details out of them is like catching flies with chopsticks- not easy. Field trips can be fun to go on because it's like being a naturalist- you get to spy on your child in their native setting. Some trips are more fun than others but I never like the ones that I have to ride the bus with the kids...
I HATE school buses. As a child who lived within walking distance of my elementary school, I used to love field trips. The diesel fumes, laughter, singing and pinball-like way we were thrown about on the bumpy city roads was awesome. Now I abhor the bus. (Because of the diesel fumes, laughter, singing and pinball-like way we are thrown around.) I spend the trip hoping I don't hurl and and disgrace my child.
The first time I was on a field trip with my daughter made such a horrible impression that I sometimes offer hall passes for trips. I use a complicated algorithm to decide whether to offer said pass:
Length of the ride + my perceived value of the experience+ which child and their past motion sickness quotient=
A- Worth it
or
B- Not
For example, a trip to the zoo. We have been a zillion times and our ride is less than an hour. Yet the school bus ride has been up to 3 hours! [Annoying game show BUZZ] The answer is B- Not. It's just not worth it to sit on a bus for 5 hours to wander the zoo for 1 hour. Same for the aquarium. They get a day home with mom instead.
Now I am sure you are wondering why it would take 3 hours for a 1 hour ride. I'll tell you why. Our bus company is ridiculous. I am sure all the drivers are lovely people but there doesn't seem to be a ton of guidance. Take, for example, a three bus caravan going to the zoo. In this age of GPS, one bus driver in the lead is trying to read Mapquest directions while driving. (You would think school bus drivers would've driven there before. I think the jobs turn over daily.) Teachers and parents are trying to help guide because the directions on hand are convoluted and the buses cannot go on certain roads. On the last field trip I went on, three buses stopped on the parkway to figure out if we were going where we were supposed to go. It doesn't really give you confidence in the people you are handing your children off to on a daily basis...
Let me tell you about a field trip I was on last year. It was a fishing trip on a day that was pouring rain. We boarded the bus before the driver got on. There were wet seats because the roof was leaking. Now that you know how I "love" the bus, you can imagine my mindset. I was not looking forward to the long, wet, cold ride. The kids were already plotting 100 bottles of beer on the wall. [Someone please sedate me!] And then, the driver got on... [Let me preface with: I am sure he was a nice man.]
This gentleman had the thickest glasses I have ever seen anyone wear. (And I've met someone who was legally blind with thick glasses.) Let me repeat: Our bus driver had the thickest glasses I have ever seen! They looked like this...
I HATE school buses. As a child who lived within walking distance of my elementary school, I used to love field trips. The diesel fumes, laughter, singing and pinball-like way we were thrown about on the bumpy city roads was awesome. Now I abhor the bus. (Because of the diesel fumes, laughter, singing and pinball-like way we are thrown around.) I spend the trip hoping I don't hurl and and disgrace my child.
The first time I was on a field trip with my daughter made such a horrible impression that I sometimes offer hall passes for trips. I use a complicated algorithm to decide whether to offer said pass:
Length of the ride + my perceived value of the experience+ which child and their past motion sickness quotient=
A- Worth it
or
B- Not
For example, a trip to the zoo. We have been a zillion times and our ride is less than an hour. Yet the school bus ride has been up to 3 hours! [Annoying game show BUZZ] The answer is B- Not. It's just not worth it to sit on a bus for 5 hours to wander the zoo for 1 hour. Same for the aquarium. They get a day home with mom instead.
Now I am sure you are wondering why it would take 3 hours for a 1 hour ride. I'll tell you why. Our bus company is ridiculous. I am sure all the drivers are lovely people but there doesn't seem to be a ton of guidance. Take, for example, a three bus caravan going to the zoo. In this age of GPS, one bus driver in the lead is trying to read Mapquest directions while driving. (You would think school bus drivers would've driven there before. I think the jobs turn over daily.) Teachers and parents are trying to help guide because the directions on hand are convoluted and the buses cannot go on certain roads. On the last field trip I went on, three buses stopped on the parkway to figure out if we were going where we were supposed to go. It doesn't really give you confidence in the people you are handing your children off to on a daily basis...
Let me tell you about a field trip I was on last year. It was a fishing trip on a day that was pouring rain. We boarded the bus before the driver got on. There were wet seats because the roof was leaking. Now that you know how I "love" the bus, you can imagine my mindset. I was not looking forward to the long, wet, cold ride. The kids were already plotting 100 bottles of beer on the wall. [Someone please sedate me!] And then, the driver got on... [Let me preface with: I am sure he was a nice man.]
This gentleman had the thickest glasses I have ever seen anyone wear. (And I've met someone who was legally blind with thick glasses.) Let me repeat: Our bus driver had the thickest glasses I have ever seen! They looked like this...
...at least. Maybe even thicker!
You've heard of coke bottle glasses? These were more like coke-truck-headlamp glasses. Or binocular-glass glasses. His eyes were magnified to an immense size. I was stunned. And surprised that I hadn't heard him coming- you know, because of the tap-tapping of his white cane. Maybe the water drip- dripping onto the seat next to me had drowned out the sound... (It was going to be a good day... A blind man driving a leaking tin can...) And it was going to be a long ride. I was wondering whether his service dog would be able to run long and fast enough...
When the buses pulled out, I realized we weren't the lead bus. Not really surprising. It makes sense to have the blind guy bringing up the rear. So he could just aim towards the big orange blob in front of us instead of leading all three buses over a cliff. I was baffled but somehow this man kept us on the road. Maybe his other senses were heightened- maybe he was road-psychic to make up for his vision loss? As we headed through town, I realized that we were inexplicably weaving through tiny streets rather than taking the main roads out to the highway. Great. We were still in our own town, not 1/2 mile from the school, and the lead driver was already lost. The drivers always have trouble driving and reading their directions. I started thinking that maybe the blind guy should be in the lead. At the very least, a blind driver would be able to read a Braille map without even taking his eyes off of the road...
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