My husband and I are going away for our 20th anniversary. (Sadly, by the time you read, this it will be over. Boo hoo hoo!) We are going to the Carribean with NO kids! Woo-hoo!!! [guilt, guilt, guilt] I think we deserve it. In this day and age, 20 years deserves some big celebration.
I remember when my parents went to Bermuda for, what I realize now, must've been their 10 year anniversary. My mom said they were going on a "second honeymoon" and came back with a spectacularly bruised arm from wiping out on her moped. I am hoping NOT to recreate that moment.
Anyhow, I realized, we have NEVER been on a beach vacation without kids. Never! Our vacations before kids were always to cities or new places with lots of touring. We have never just sat somewhere for a few days. (Ironic- we are happy to just sit at home.) I am quite excited! I have not been reading my Time mag or Real Simple for two months so I can read them on the beach and I have two brand new paperbacks. It will be a reading and being warm vacation. (I am always cold.) And we'll have to read because without the kids it will take us a few days to remember how to have conversations about other things. In a cruel twist, we will probably remember how much we like to chat just in time to go home. Then, we'll forget again as we get interrupted for all the years until they all move out...
Going on a beach vacation with kids is fun but it is also drudgery. You are a schlepper Sherpa. A lifeguard and EMT. And constantly slathering bodies with cancer protection lotion? Arg! (And those bodies are adding up to more square footage of skin every year. When can I expect them to do it themselves? And do it right? Those are two different things...) It makes great memories but it is also a LOT of work.
This is going to be the first beach vacation that I only have to think of myself. One bottle of sunblock. (50- my skin is Irish and I will probably be just as pale when I get home.) One hat. Only one water bottle. One book. One towel. I could fit all of that into a ziplock!! Usually I have multiple giant bags- have I ever walked onto the beach with my head held high? NO! Usually I am bent over like a wizened old hag under my load. It will be a new experience to go to the beach like that! Maybe there is another way I can take the drudgery out of a beach vacation...
(I told you boys to turn back. Better do it now...)
Something else I dread about a beach vacation is the careful attention to shaving. Remember how I said my skin was Irish? Well, my hair is Italian. 'Nuff said. So I thought, "Hmmm. Maybe I could try some waxing so I don't even have to shave as much." (Freshly shaved skin hitting the salt water is "yowsers".) Then, I can really relax! So with some encouragement from a friend I decided to give it a try. I had three babies- how much could it hurt?
Motherfletcher. Turns out it could hurt a lot. It was a weird bunch of thoughts and experiences. I was embarrassed just asking them to even do it and I was embarrassed by the act of doing it. I was awkwardly looking at the ceiling and trying to find a happy place while telling myself that it couldn't be that bad. I was imagining the lady yelling out the door, "We gonna need more wax!" (Ala "40 year old Virgin" movie." And once she started, I wanted to curse like Steve Carrell too!) I have to commend all of you women who have been doing this for years- I don't know how you do it. When I texted bad curse words to a friend, she replied, "My little girl is now a woman!" It took only took 44 years!
At least it was over. I had been full of anxiety leading up to the experience. But I still had one lingering fear. I was afraid I could be like a circus-leg-bearded lady and never have realized it! I was afraid of experiencing a scene like the one in The Santa Clause with Tim Allen. His character shaves off his beard and, as he is wiping the shaving cream off with the towel, the beard immediately grows back. What if I get home from the place and it's all there again?! ACK! No. Not possible. But that night, I even had a dream that it all grew back. NOOOOO......
It's not easy being a girl...
This is going to be the first beach vacation that I only have to think of myself. One bottle of sunblock. (50- my skin is Irish and I will probably be just as pale when I get home.) One hat. Only one water bottle. One book. One towel. I could fit all of that into a ziplock!! Usually I have multiple giant bags- have I ever walked onto the beach with my head held high? NO! Usually I am bent over like a wizened old hag under my load. It will be a new experience to go to the beach like that! Maybe there is another way I can take the drudgery out of a beach vacation...
(I told you boys to turn back. Better do it now...)
Something else I dread about a beach vacation is the careful attention to shaving. Remember how I said my skin was Irish? Well, my hair is Italian. 'Nuff said. So I thought, "Hmmm. Maybe I could try some waxing so I don't even have to shave as much." (Freshly shaved skin hitting the salt water is "yowsers".) Then, I can really relax! So with some encouragement from a friend I decided to give it a try. I had three babies- how much could it hurt?
Motherfletcher. Turns out it could hurt a lot. It was a weird bunch of thoughts and experiences. I was embarrassed just asking them to even do it and I was embarrassed by the act of doing it. I was awkwardly looking at the ceiling and trying to find a happy place while telling myself that it couldn't be that bad. I was imagining the lady yelling out the door, "We gonna need more wax!" (Ala "40 year old Virgin" movie." And once she started, I wanted to curse like Steve Carrell too!) I have to commend all of you women who have been doing this for years- I don't know how you do it. When I texted bad curse words to a friend, she replied, "My little girl is now a woman!" It took only took 44 years!
At least it was over. I had been full of anxiety leading up to the experience. But I still had one lingering fear. I was afraid I could be like a circus-leg-bearded lady and never have realized it! I was afraid of experiencing a scene like the one in The Santa Clause with Tim Allen. His character shaves off his beard and, as he is wiping the shaving cream off with the towel, the beard immediately grows back. What if I get home from the place and it's all there again?! ACK! No. Not possible. But that night, I even had a dream that it all grew back. NOOOOO......
It's not easy being a girl...
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