Random Question about Cars...

I have a random question about cars...

I was leaving the grocery store today and, when I was getting ready to pull out, an older man pulled into the space next to me.  He was driving a Buick LeSabre.  And it got me wondering... At what point will I have to buy a LeSabre?

Is there an unpublicized mandate that anyone above the age of 70 purchasing a new car must get a sensible sedan?  Does the doctor send your name and DOB to the DMV?   If that's the case, I'll buy something funky and cool when I am 69 and 3/4 years old and run it until it dies. (Or I do!)

Or will I just be compelled by nature to find my car suddenly abhorrent?  Will I be suddenly unable to do anything BUT buy a LeSabre?  (Like how I was compelled by nature to buy a mommy bathing suit and frumpy clothes for a decade after childbirth?)

As I oberserved the man at the supermarket, I realized that they are usually maroon or white.  The cars, not the drivers.  (Do they make them in any other colors? Again, the cars. Not the drivers.) And, there is usually a copilot. Sometimes there is also a cloud of cantankerous hostility eeking out of the windows.

It made me wonder about my own marital dynamics in our "golden years".  Will I be the pilot?  The copilot? Or the complainer? It doesn't seem to matter which seat that person is in because there is apparently so much to complain about.  The driver's skills.  The copilot's navigational faults. Or the music choice...

Today, the weather was a little warmer than it had been and I was enjoying the spring feeling.  I had the windows open to feel the delicious air and had some upbeat music going.  It made me realize that you don't see the "old timers" blasting the tunes.  I wondered why.  Is it because they are too serious?  Or is it just because you can't really find a good 1940's station?  It also seems like the "Greatest Generation"  isn't too keen on gadgetry.  Having to always "make do" through the hard times, they don't seem inclined to spend extra on satellite radio or a cd player and the accompanying discs.  (And yet this generation can buy frozen PB & J sandwiches instead of just making them...)

And what will we be like when we are nearing 80? I plan on still blasting music when I drive.  Will my generation be a bunch of weird, raucous, grey-heads blasting grunge while cruising the boulevards? Or, if they take away our cars because we are too old,will we have boom-boxes strapped to our walkers? Either way I hope it's one big party...

P.S.  I thought this was a Random Question but it turned into 100 questions- once I start, I can't stop....

School Pictures

I love looking back at old class pictures.  Especially the ones from Elementary School.  Those are extremely entertaining.  They are like mini time capsules.  (Ones that you CAN actually revisit- unlike the one you buried once with a friend and either forgot about or dug up after a week...)  

Memories you didn't even know you had swim to the surface when you see yourself wearing Mork and Mindy suspenders.  You remember the board game, the sting when someone snapped your suspenders or the new friend you made that year.  In my second grade year,  I was sporting the "The Dorothy Hammill" do.  (As were many of the other girls.) Fourth grade brought glasses AND the cool factor with it.  (Not!) Another year, my too short bangs tell the story of a self- trim gone horribly awry...

Every Fall, my kids bring home order forms for their own school pictures.  Now, I am the mean mom who tries to bully people into combing their hair and wearing something I deem decent.  Usually I fail, give up and let them wear whatever they are comfortable in.  For someday, they will look back at their pictures and laugh over the clothes they are wearing and the way they used to do their hair.  (More likely, they will admonish ME for letting them go out like that.  There is no winning in parenting...)

The last couple of years, there has been a new option offered on the forms: photo retouching.  It shows a before and after picture of a poor teen with a tragic zit on picture day.  So sad.  But for $, zit be gone!  I wonder how many people pay for this feature.  It bothers me on so many levels:

1.  I'm cheap and already annoyed that I have to buy a package with more pictures than I want or need.

2.   Okay, I know no one wants to have a zit on picture day.  But there is something weirdly nostalgic about looking back at those unfortunate years.  Those feelings come rushing back.  You remember exactly how "devastating" it was and remember the drama that is youth.  (And wish for such "tragedies" now...)  

But the most disturbing part for me is,

3.  We complain about how everyone is judged by their looks and how society is so superficial.  Then for a parent to say, "You're beautiful, honey just the way you are! But... let's get you retouched this year...."  (Maybe it would be better to say, "No one really looks the way the ads make them look because they're photoshopped.  Let's retouch you too and level the playing field!")

If we photoshop everyone into perfection, how will they remember those awkward stages?  The metamorphosis over the years?  The road that took them from awkward child to self assured adult?  (Still waiting on that one...) As a mother, it is sometimes a tempting thought when their hair is sticking up all over and no one will listen about clothes selection or hair styles.  BUT, if my mother had the opportunity to retouch my pictures I would never have had this gem to show the kids...

My oldest said, "What a nerd!  You're wearing a Star Wars shirt!" As if that's the thing that made me look nerdy- the shirt. Hey, back then Star Wars was new.  The shirt is what made me look so cool!  [Shut up!]  Yes, this picture is totally embarrassing but it's also really funny and I'm glad I have it.  I don't think my kids have had any really bad pictures yet.  Or maybe they have but as their mother I just think they are beautiful?  I would love to know what my parents thought when this came home in my school bag!

P.S.  Anyone out there a 30 Rock fan?  The young Liz Lemon picts always remind me of my old pictures...

  

They are portraying her like this for comedic effect but I really looked like this...  Humbling...

The "Law & Order" Game

I haven't been to a Broadway show in years and it just so happens that I went to two in the last two weeks.  It was a fluke that let me enjoy a game I haven't played in a long time.  I'll share it with you for the next time you go to a Broadway show in NYC.  (I'm not sure if it works out of New York.) I like to call it "The Law & Order Game".


There are no rules- I guess it is more of a word search than an actual game.  When I get to the theater,  I find my seat and settle in with my playbill.  I scan the pictures of actors and the scenes.  Then I move onto the little bios of the actors.  I start scanning for who has been on the TV show "Law & Order". (Or one of its derivatives.)  And we're off!

Correct me if I am wrong but I believe that "L & O" shoots here in NY.  That would make it a perfect moonlighting gig for a broadway actor.  They need new dead people, juries and witnesses every week! I can't remember the last play I went to but I remember that it was a jackpot and most of the cast listed one of the shows in their TV credits.    It seems like the younger the cast, the less appearances on "L & O".  The last show I went to must've had an older cast.  (Maybe Jersey Boys? About 4-5 years ago?)  I remember that not only did many cast members list "L & O" but many of them had been on multiple "L & O"s!   (It's died down now but for a while there we a few different shows in the franchise...) 

I bet you are thinking of a play that you've been wanting to see for a while.  Well, now you have an extra reason to buy tickets- you want to play my game.  I can't blame you- it's way more fun than the game we play when we looks at old pictures or videos.  I call that one the "He's Dead, She's Dead Game"...

Who Left the Car Door Open?

It’s a quiet morning and I am contemplating my list of errands and enjoying the quiet before I get the kids up.  Suddenly, my husband calls me in a voice that tells me something is wrong.  He yells up the stairs that my car door was open all night and he leaves to catch his train.  I groan because its been raining all night and gather some towels. 

Suddenly, I panic and run outside.  Dread filling me as I remember there are a lot of raccoons in our area.  If you leave a door open, they have been know to shred upholstery and defecate in the car.  I have three kids who are finally old enough to stop doing that!  No, no, I chant as I run out the door.  Whew!  Now I realize, “Hey, I’m lucky it rained all night!  The raccoons stayed home!”  And the battery is not even dead!  I feel lucky that it rained with my door open!  I feel benevolent and full of love for the world! I will not even blame the last child out of the car!

And even luckier, it isn’t as wet as I was expecting.  While it was raining all night, it doesn’t appear to have been a blowing downpour.  I stand barefooted and freezing in PJs sopping up as much as I can.  I go inside, get ready to start the day and get everyone out the door to school.

When I get in the car later to start my errands, the damp inside air and the cold outside air fog the windows completely.  It’s still raining so I can’t even air the car out.  My best solution is to drive with the heat on high.  It’s very nice and toasty on this damp day!  I peel off my coat.  Mmm, it’s getting a little warm.  I peel off my sweater.  Wow.  It’s really hot in here.  And my hair is quickly swelling from the humidity!  How many layers of clothing can I pull off without getting pulled over?  I feel like the Honda and I are playing strip poker-- and I am losing.  Now the blowing heat from the vent is sucking all the water from my head!  I am parched and my contacts have turned to glue.  Now I have cottonmouth!  (Cue the flash backs to post-party mornings in college.)  It starts to resemble Cirque de Soleil in my car as I contort trying to reach and aim all the vents away from me.

In the interest of not embarrassing myself too much, I decide to abort the errands and head for home.  Halfway there, yikes!  I suddenly remember I have to pick my daughter up from school!  In my underwear, with a giant Afro, a swollen tongue and crazy eyes…  I am sure she’s going to wind up in therapy. May as well make sure everyone sees me while I wave and screech, “Over here baby!  I missed you so much!  Mommy loves you!”  If I am going to have to pay for it, I may as well get my money’s worth.

The Facts of Life

I figured that as long as we are (or I am) talking about scarring children with the TV shows of our youth, I may as well launch right into the other little "horror show"- The Facts of Life.  Remember Jo, Tootie, Blair and... and... I can't remember the other girl's name and am too lazy to look it up right now.  Nancy?  N, Natalie!  (Yes, I looked it up.) And of course, Mrs. Garrett.  I remember watching the show weekly and enjoying it.  (I also liked to think I was like Jo.  I was definitely a tomboy but not as tough.)

When my daughter was starting middle school, it seemed to be a good time to introduce her to "The Facts of Life". (And, yes, this IS the same child I scarred with Davy and Goliath.)  Again, I foolishly relied on my memory as to the content of the show.  I told her that it might be corny because it was from the 80's but the girl and friend stuff would still apply and that she should check it out.  I decided to show it to her AND her friend.  (Why just scar one when you can scar two just as easily.)

In my brain's defense, we had no DVRs back when I watched it.  (VCRs, yes- but no "set it and forget it" feature to get a whole season saved.)  I might not have started watching the show from the first season.  And the pilot/first year is often a little rough around the edges.  The cast and setting can be tweaked after the show gets picked up.  So let's just say that it's not totally my fault that the show wasn't what I remembered it to be.  If the library had only had the second season on disc, it might have been a completely different experience and they might have liked it. 

"How bad could it be", you wonder.  What could it be worse than killing the grandma on Davy and Goliath?  Well, remember the song?  "You take the good, you take the bad..."  I remember the "bad" things being minor things.  Little comedic-moral vignettes.  But not in the first season- they were waaayyy heavier subjects than I remember.  After the pilot went so wrong, we tried to find a better episode.  One that was fun. (As I was insisting the show really was.) These little innocents were sooo not ready for what this show was throwing at them.  I will give you a list of examples of "the bad" they wound up seeing as I searched for "the good":


1.  The whole cast wasn't in the first season.  Jo was missing and there was a whole bunch of strangers in the cast.  (Molly Ringwald was there- which I have no recollection of...)

2. There was a parent's weekend and one girl's father was too busy to come so the mother attended alone. Inversely, another girl's mother was too busy and the father attended alone.  Those children were feeling disappointed.  Now imagine their feelings when their parents who did come were spied getting busy in the bushes!


3.  Blair was implying that a housemate was a lesbian and tormenting her.


4.  Marijuana.

5. Eating disorders.

6. Sex.

and the crowning jewel of this experience?

7.  A girl committed suicide!  

Wow.  I thought the show might introduce a few good talking points while Tootsie happily skated around.   Nope.  It was "scared straight".  It was as if I was throwing pamphlets and barraging them with every horrible health class topic from middle THROUGH high school all at once!  They were thoroughly traumatized .  Excellent.  Again.

Don't make my mistake, people.  Prescreen.  Prescreen.