Who Left the Car Door Open?

It’s a quiet morning and I am contemplating my list of errands and enjoying the quiet before I get the kids up.  Suddenly, my husband calls me in a voice that tells me something is wrong.  He yells up the stairs that my car door was open all night and he leaves to catch his train.  I groan because its been raining all night and gather some towels. 

Suddenly, I panic and run outside.  Dread filling me as I remember there are a lot of raccoons in our area.  If you leave a door open, they have been know to shred upholstery and defecate in the car.  I have three kids who are finally old enough to stop doing that!  No, no, I chant as I run out the door.  Whew!  Now I realize, “Hey, I’m lucky it rained all night!  The raccoons stayed home!”  And the battery is not even dead!  I feel lucky that it rained with my door open!  I feel benevolent and full of love for the world! I will not even blame the last child out of the car!

And even luckier, it isn’t as wet as I was expecting.  While it was raining all night, it doesn’t appear to have been a blowing downpour.  I stand barefooted and freezing in PJs sopping up as much as I can.  I go inside, get ready to start the day and get everyone out the door to school.

When I get in the car later to start my errands, the damp inside air and the cold outside air fog the windows completely.  It’s still raining so I can’t even air the car out.  My best solution is to drive with the heat on high.  It’s very nice and toasty on this damp day!  I peel off my coat.  Mmm, it’s getting a little warm.  I peel off my sweater.  Wow.  It’s really hot in here.  And my hair is quickly swelling from the humidity!  How many layers of clothing can I pull off without getting pulled over?  I feel like the Honda and I are playing strip poker-- and I am losing.  Now the blowing heat from the vent is sucking all the water from my head!  I am parched and my contacts have turned to glue.  Now I have cottonmouth!  (Cue the flash backs to post-party mornings in college.)  It starts to resemble Cirque de Soleil in my car as I contort trying to reach and aim all the vents away from me.

In the interest of not embarrassing myself too much, I decide to abort the errands and head for home.  Halfway there, yikes!  I suddenly remember I have to pick my daughter up from school!  In my underwear, with a giant Afro, a swollen tongue and crazy eyes…  I am sure she’s going to wind up in therapy. May as well make sure everyone sees me while I wave and screech, “Over here baby!  I missed you so much!  Mommy loves you!”  If I am going to have to pay for it, I may as well get my money’s worth.