Awkward, Awkward TMI...

This is going to probably be a scattered, TMI post.  You might not want to stay- especially if you're an XY. Not sure how to start this...

For the most part, this blog has been silly, lighthearted stuff.  And I plan to stay that way, though I do have something not so silly to tell you first.  Almost every person that reads this knows me in real life.  We may be family or friends.  We may not live nearby or we may see each other around town all the time.  However we know each other, don't be offended if I haven't told you this before- its a weird thing to just bring up and I haven't told many people.  There is no natural way to just bring up in conversation that you've opted for a prophylactic mastectomy....

Sometimes to say something out loud is to admit to yourself that its real. I guess if I really wanted I could steer the conversation.  "Did you see all the Trojan ads MTV plays now?... Speaking of prophylactics..."  Or possibly, "Remember Janet Jackson's Superbowl wardrobe malfunction? Speaking of boob malfunctions..." Or the even less direct, "I went to London with my mom in High School to visit my aunt.  We went to the Tower of London.  Remember Henry the 8th and all of his wives?  Remember Ann Boleyn?  How'd she died again? Oh, right... Head lopped off.  [Pause] Speaking of lopping things off, did I tell you..."  Did that one go too far? Well, I am sometimes talking to someone that I know I should have told already and I am thinking of how awkward it would be to bring it up when we are talking about school supplies or the past summer.  The entire thing is weird- why should my wandering thoughts be any less weird...

If you know me, you know that I have a family history of Breast Cancer.   Some people might think that this is a drastic move.  At one time I would have agreed. When the idea was first mentioned to me in my late twenties, I balked.  (I've been seeing a Breast Surgeon since then.)  Then, the numbers of family members with BC increased.  And when I was 30, juggling the needs of my first baby and a dying mother,  the Mayo clinic announced that a BPM (bilateral prophylactic mastectomy-see you're learning something) can reduce the chances of BC 90% or more in someone with a significant family history.  Seeing my mother suffering, I decided to take that route when I hit 40.  Ten years flew by and I kept chickening out.  But, this spring, yet another biopsy and other changes signaled that the time has come.

If I haven't told you in person, don't be offended.  That's not the right word but you know what I mean.  I've seen some of you for hours and never brought it up.   It's just feels awkward to insert it into a conversation.  I'm not sick.  I'm not injured.  While it's been scheduled for months, the time is suddenly almost here.  I need to start letting people know.   In some ways, the reasons to bring it up are more for scheduling.  "I can't volunteer for anything in October or November.  Not, just just to be bitchy but..."  There are many people that I should've told by now but I want it to be a non event.  Just a blip.  A hiccup before the holidays.  And, I was trying to keep it all quiet for my kids.  (Who now know.)

So, weirdly, something that felt too awkward to say in person doesn't feel that awkward to put here.  Where anyone can see it.  I guess because I don't have to see anyone or hear their reactions.   It's not a big secret.  I don't care who knows.  And I have no problem talking about it.   I just don't want to introduce the topic.   I guess it feels awkward in person because then the other person doesn't know what to say. Or they feel bad. Or they disagree. It's awkward to bring up but its ALSO awkward to hear.... (It's also a bit awkward because it involves...boobies...)

So, now it's really out there.  You can bring it up.  Or not.  I am fine with both. You don't have to comment or say anything on FB or in person.  We can just be like tired commuters in the morning and just nod to each other then move on. I'll answer questions but don't really want to hear if anyone agrees or not with my decision. Keep that to yourself!  At least now you'll know why I move a bit slower this fall or why I don't volunteer or show up.  And don't feel strange or bad about any of it.  I feel blessed to live in a time that this is even an option.  I know my mother would be so happy that I am doing this.  I know she fought as hard as she could to stay as long as she could.  If my children never have to watch me go through what she did, it'll all be worth it.

SO.  This is probably what I'll be thinking about and writing about for the next few weeks.  But hopefully it will be entertaining even though the subject matter is odd.  I have so many curious thoughts running around my head.  Like Alice's white rabbit they are all confused and kind of funny....

Like the "Summer of Boobs"....